i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
