ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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