that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
