giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
