I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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