I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
