she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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