Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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