Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
