Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
