im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
