Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
