ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
