So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
