they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
