What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
