just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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