So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
