I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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