he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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