Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
