I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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