My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
