i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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