dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize