Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
