Your face is a jimmy john
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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