I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Found the puke drawer
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
