I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
