turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
