just survived the first fart of the relationship.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
