Soap is not a condiment
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize