I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
