I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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