I'm so fucking centered right now
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Everything about him screamed your future.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
