if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
