she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Randomize
