i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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