i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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