Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize