matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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