she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
