Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
