why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize