I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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