Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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