I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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