I'm so fucking centered right now
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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