just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
