Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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