Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
