Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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