remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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