How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
