I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
