The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
