I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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