this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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