Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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