just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize