oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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