Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
