i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
