you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
