There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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