just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
